Research: Gen Y Men & Emotions

According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, 69.67% of completed suicides in the United States are carried out by white men. What if a resource could support Gen Y men in sustaining emotional stability within their relationships? These alarming stats and this intriguing inquiry became the genesis for this degree project. It was paramount throughout the research process to dive deep and get to the root of emotional instability within men. An extensive literature review, concept-mapping, individual interviews, a reddit deep-dive, the viewing of various documentaries, and surveying led to a plethora of information and feedback on the impact gendered parenting has on Gen Y men, as well as, how these men have learned to assert themselves in society.

Upon completing the primary research many common themes surfaced. These commonalities ranged from how these men interact with one another to how they believe to be perceived by the general public to their motivations for continued connection with those around them. A realization was quickly made in regards to how many of these men use reddit on a daily basis and yet do not post about their personal lives online in a public, non-anonymous manner. They desire connection which can be seen in their close relationships most commonly in terms of a romantic partnership. Most of these men have a prominent female figure in their lives that aids them to communicate, work through, and understand their feelings around more sensitive topics.

Although these men were all open to discussions about mental health and personal betterment not many of them were proactive about their own growth. This could be due to a lack of time management skills, not seeing it as a priority, or not having the knowledge of the correct resources to implement. Only one went to therapy and none of them use their smartphones for evolving intellectually or spiritually as individuals.

Most men, as seen in some of the source material, are mostly concerned with how they are perceived in public settings. Young boys grow up not wanting to be labelled “weird” or “weak” and therefore, they build walls and guard themselves from being hurt by the thoughts, words, feelings, or actions of others. Unfortunately this coping mechanism hardens them from having empathy for others or the capacity to genuinely connect on a human level with their peers once they hit adulthood.

Most men have a general discomfort with the rigidity of their fathers or the hyper-masculine figures in their lives. These individuals always seemed to have a negative, toxic impact on the young man's life as he grew into adulthood because there was a disconnect between what he believed to be right and what was ingrained in him at a young age. This dissonance is toxic for the development of confident, young men in our society. Many of these young men lack the discipline and incentive to push toward larger, long-term goals.

These men lack the overall encouragement and confidence to further themselves in a proactive and mature manner; even though they are intelligent, pragmatic, and intuitive they have a hard time separating their desires for themselves from the desires of others. Whether that be from society, their parents, their lovers, their bosses, etc. They need help to get into tune with what they truly desire and how they genuinely feel.

After user testing the prototype with the intended audience there were many insights that surfaced from these men. To address this aspect of the degree project the researcher sent 20 participants a google form to fill out.

A correlation formed between many of those surveyed. Nearly all of them confessed a desire to pursue self-actualization and healthy relationships. They revealed video gaming, writing, and listening to music to be the top contenders for current outlets they use to express themselves; sports, movies, and reading were on the lower end of the scale. Nearly all participants expressed physical activity to be the most essential resource they currently have to alleviate mental and emotional distress. There was also a peak in the use of mental exercising, meditation, journaling, and religious practices for these same purposes. 80% liked the visual design of the brand and 50% were most interested in the aspect of social challenges and personalized recommendations. 

A few participants wrote in to express their feelings on this topic and the design solution presented, saying things like:

“The concept I really like because there should be more assets to help guys build emotionally healthy relationships because most are raised in such a way that makes that hard to learn.”

“If advertised and packaged well this solution could have a lot of potential. Very well put together.”

It was realized that many of these men agreed that the social pressure to remain reserved and nonchalant emotionally was alienating for them. They revered this desire for closeness explaining that few resources are readily available to them and therefore they feel helpless in this regard. They spoke about the lack of time and money currently available in their lives to participate in a solution such as this. One participant gave great feedback about the nature of the box, questioning the privateness of the overall concept. He explained that a box that came with say a bottle of wine, ingredients to make a nice meal, and step-by-step instructions to host an evening dinner party might be a great way to provide tangible elements with activities that a user might already be interested in. I like this take on MAYL because it shifts the box from being a laundry list of recommendations and instead becomes a box to prep you for self-initiated gatherings with others. The purpose then becomes relational stretching instead of exclusively personal growth. Another recommendation received was for more interesting and diverse challenges like sewing your own wallet, brewing your own beer, learning to make kombucha, etc. They loved the identity and effort behind the concept of MAYL but weren’t fully on board with the entirety of the service.

They were interested in the personalized challenge cards because:

“‘Digging’ for things is kinda hard for me. I really enjoy new good movies, music, and restaurants etc, but the process of finding them is hard. And can be stressful.”

“Self-improvement can feel like a daunting task. Having specific and personalized challenges mapped out for you makes it feel much more approachable.”

The proposed solution is called MAYL: a subscription service of sorts with a speculative twist. What starts as a helpful suggestion from a close family member, partner, or friend turns into a supportive chatbot that interacts with users through text messaging in order to build rapport and gain loyalty. This eventually leads to a scenario where the user subscribes for monthly boxes filled with tangible, personalized resources in order to support and encourage them to connect with those around them, as well as, get curious about their interests and discover personal growth through authenticity and vulnerability in their day-to-day lives.

Shelby was interested in finding a solution that could provide tools, language, and space to potentially alleviate toxic masculinity within Westernized cultures, help men to feel less isolated in their communities, provide healthy resources for building boundaries and communicating emotions, and shape how men show up in the world. The final design outcome addresses this underlying fear of alienation and the weight that restricted gender norms have on an individual by providing a task-oriented service with clear goals in mind. This solution meets the users needs of facilitating healthy relationships and flexing that muscle of human connection and emotional vulnerability.

It was great to get real feedback from real men and to actively see their willingness to participate and listen did not go unnoticed. Shelby, as the primary researcher, realized that as a woman she was curating a box that she might try and force her partner to participate in. A box in which he might not have any actual desire to utilize for his personal betterment but more as a way to appease her as his partner. These men have a lot of drive to pursue meaningful relationships but the whole aspect of a monthly subscription box scares a majority of good meaning men away. There would need to be a shift in the general “subscription” aspect of this solution, as well as, a reevaluation of the language used by the brand especially during onboarding. These men want resources but a monthly box is kitschy, even if they love the overall visual design.

In response to the initial question of “How might we support millennial men in sustaining emotional stability within their relationship?” this design solution was a solid shot at addressing this issue but there has to be a much more clever way to reach these men that hasn’t been discovered yet. This research only scratches the surface. For this to work there needs to be an active effort to listen to these men, consider their context, offer them alternatives, hold them to higher behavioral standards, and invite them from loneliness. It is obvious that making a resource physically demanding would be the best way for them to actively participate in shifting their emotional health and well-being. Someday we will get there.

“The answer is for lonely, hurt men to be brave and stand on their own two feet, so that they can learn to dance with others.”